ET
Illustration: Zohar Lazar
When people reach retirement age, they cast about for things to occupy their time. Golf. Finishing “Middlemarch.” Visiting every state capitol. Senior karaoke.
For something completely different, there is always…the bright lights of the stage! At least for me. A few years ago, I started writing plays with an old friend. We did four of them together, but because I didn’t produce or direct the plays myself, my interaction with the cast was limited. Eventually I realized that I was missing out on all the fun.
This year I decided to branch out by writing and producing my own play. “The Counterfeit Moron” deals with a mysterious organization called B.O.Z.O. (Benign Order of Zenophobic Oligopolists) that is trying to seize control of American society. Yes, they misspelled “xenophobic.”
When the play was presented at the Chain Theater’s One-Act Festival in New York in February, it got lots of laughs. It was basically a big party I could invite all my friends to. But the best thing about putting on the play was that it put me in contact with young people who were still excited about their futures.
The author (right) with cast members of his one-act play, ‘The Counterfeit Moron.‘ Photo: Joe Queenan
They come to New York from deep in Dixie or the Land of Lakes or the Redwood Forest and they set out to conquer Broadway. They work like hell and do everything you ask of them. They show up for early-morning rehearsals ravaged by the flu, and they just get on with the show. They put the lie to stupid clichés about how young people today don’t work as hard as their parents did. For the record, I don’t remember my generation working especially hard. Not with all that reefer around.
One great thing about working with young actors is that they don’t spend all the time complaining about overpriced orthotics or their hip surgeries or how hard it is to get an appointment with their primary physician. They’re too busy running around the stage spilling water all over each other and tripping over furniture and mutilating the costumes. Or improvising mangled lines like “Rome was not built in the bush” and “If you can’t beat ’em, carpe diem!”
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
What do older people gain from connecting with young people? Join the conversation below.
We do not always agree on material. The director, 27, and the two leads—26 and 32—had no idea who Cochise was. So, Sitting Bull had to pinch-hit. They wanted to deep-six anything in the play that might needlessly hurt somebody’s feelings. If people were born a bit slow on the draw—through no fault of their own—it was unfair to ridicule them. Whereas if they were mean-spirited jerks who worked hard at being insanely stupid that was OK.
The actors loved it when I brought expensive pastries to the rehearsals. Not Twinkies—pastries. Preferably French. Sometimes they asked why I did not laugh louder during rehearsals. “I am laughing,” I said. “But I’m Irish-American, so it’s hard to tell.”
The Ramones famously sang: “I just want to have something to do.” That’s exactly the way I feel. The Ramones would now be in their mid-70s; had they all survived they might be putting on goofy one-act plays themselves. Or whatever it would take to recall, and reclaim, the energy of their youth.
